


Do You Feel Guilty

by soren_berdichev



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soren_berdichev/pseuds/soren_berdichev
Summary: Darkspawn horde is approaching city of Gwaren, yet Hawke is still unable to get his family on a ship. Even worse, Leandra is still blaming him for Carver's loss.
Kudos: 1





	Do You Feel Guilty

The sun has not yet fully sunk into the horizon, but there are already screams around the esplanade that serves as makeshift refugee camp. Faintly audible, carried by whistling, cold wind from nearby streets, from desperate throats soon to be cut. The red glows glimmering in the horizon announce more houses are being burnt down. All this time, not a single city guard shows up.

The latest news of darkspawn raids still places them one or two days’ journey from here, but everyone knows the horde could suddenly appear in force anytime. 

The city of Gwaren is in its death throes.

The tall young man twitches his mouth, trying to suppress the desperation that threats to overwhelm him at any time. Another day has passed, still no way out. Tonight, there might still be one chance. Their last chance.

He remembers the idle conversation he had with his father, in a far more pleasant and peaceful time. Malcolm casually told his son that Gwaren could be the least defensible city in Thedas during a Blight. Asked why, he explained the entire city was built on an old dwarven Thaig and its associated Deep Roads network. The sturdy city wall, renovated once again during Teyrn Loghain’s reign, is reliable bulwark against human invaders, yet totally ineffective against an enemy who can pop up anywhere from underground.

There are only two salvations for those thousands of refugees who poured into the city during the last week. Either finding a place on those ships waiting in the harbor, or seeking shelter in the castle, which is built upon the adjacent hill. Until now, however, neither option proves affordable for him or his family.

He turns his head to his remaining family, seeing his younger sister already fall asleep. Poor Beth, she needs to reserve every ounce of energy for tonight. But his mother just sits there, clutching an old amulet with miniature sword and flame, staring it blankly, tears running down her face. 

The young man lets out a slight sigh, walking to his mother’s side, gently putting a hand on her shoulder. Noticing that, but not turning back her head, Leandra Hawke begins to sob.

“Mother, please…” Even before he opens his mouth, Gareth knows that effort is futile. He gives a try anyway.

“Carver, my little Carver, why do you leave me…” He could tell that Leandra is trying to stop her tears, but simply can’t. “Tell me what I have done wrong, tell me you could forgive me. Tell me you would return, I would make it right this time. I promise…” With that， she bows her head in anguish and resumes her sob.

“Mother…”

Leandra suddenly stands up, turning around, staring at her elder son with an intense glare. “How could you… how could you let him charge _that_ monster?! Do you still hate him? He could never compete with you, my little Carver. You know that, don’t you?”

 _Not again_. Gareth could feel his head is going to explode, with all those nonsenses he is forced to listen for day after day. _Please, Maker, not at this moment_.

“I didn’t hate him.” He tries not to let his anger show up, without much success. “He hated me. He hated me because I made him a deserter. I dragged him away from the battlefield, from his dreamed glory, when it appeared our side was in serious trouble. I told you before, and now I tell you again, mother, I had to do that, because unlike those damned lords, we didn’t have a damned horse to save our sorry asses when the general rout truly began!” Still, he could hear himself almost shout at his mother.

Beside them, Bethany’s sleeping body begins to stir. 

_What happens to me_? He shivers. _Control yourself, Gareth_.

Leandra doesn’t seem to notice her elder son’s reaction, or hear anything he has said. She just keeps staring him with those accusing eyes. “Do you feel guilty. Like, at all?”

“I…” _No, don’t crash now_! He warns himself desperately. “Mother, you could blame me all you like once we get out of here, but not now. I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you. Darkspawns could be here very soon, yet we haven’t been able to board a ship already.”

Apparently, that realization finally pushes his mother from her awful regret, at least for now. “But you go to the harbor every day. Today, too.” She speaks in a puzzled tone, as if she were still in a dream. 

“The price just keeps going up, mother, and we can’t afford it even a week ago. Now the lowest price is ten sovereigns for all of us.” He tries to explain, even as he doesn’t know if it will do any good.

“But that Orlesian woman…” Belatedly, Leandra looks around to see if anyone is nearby. “We could leave her behind, couldn’t we?”

 _For Maker’s sake_. Gareth sighs again. “We have discussed that before, mother. I am not abandoning Aveline.” He spreads his hands in frustration, as he sees the disapproval in Leandra’s eyes. “Fine. I asked. It’s still eight sovereigns even without her. Considering we have fewer than fifty silvers remaining, that doesn’t make a difference!”

He chooses not to tell his mother more than one ship captains offered to take Bethany as fee.

“Then we are truly finished.” Losing her strength, Leandra sinks to her knees, but Gareth catches her in time. “At least I could see your father and Carver soon. But not my little Beth, she is still a child…” With that she begins to cry again.

Instinctly Gareth gives his mother a tight hug, before he whispers to her ears. “Listen carefully, mother. There is still a chance for us. Teyrn Loghain is not going back to save his own city. His people are afraid, and angry. A riot will break out soon, likely in tonight. I and Aveline will go out there, trying to gather some money, no matter what it takes. See, she _could_ make a difference.”

He pauses a moment, looking directly into Leandra’s eyes, giving her a nod. “Mother, I need you be strong. Don’t give up to panic. I will leave Beth here to protect you, just let her sleep a little longer. Tonight, there won’t be peace, so she needs her rest now.” He glances around, the sky is almost dark, there are ominous figures appearing in the streets leading away from the esplanade. 

This night is not for men. It’s for beasts, who until now still pretend to be men.

Gareth holds Leandra’ shoulders with both his hands, telling her with a steady tone, or as steady as he could manage. “I will go back, and I will get us on a ship, by whatever means necessary. Don’t ever think I have no remorse, mother. But let me have it when we are safe. Father would want it. And Carver.”

More shouting and screaming are coming. Now there is sound of explosion in the distance, too. On the corner of a nearby building, he could distinguish Aveline Vallen’s approaching figure.


End file.
